Look for a new primary attachment figure. Things happen by default or by design. In the absence of design we tend to procrastinate, only to achieve unplanned resolution in a moment of heightened emotion. Effects of alcoholism in the family “My husband is an alcoholic”, this isn’t a surprise for some. 8. Detaching with Love. I know that when I decided to leave my husband because of his out-of-control addictive behavior, I spent what seemed to be a decade of sleepless nights pondering my decision. Learning to take care of ourselves is the beginning of being able to express compassion toward the person suffering from the disease of alcoholism . Choosing to separate or end a relationship overshadowed by addiction is best done by conscious choice coupled with planning for life without the active addict. You can get over a relationship with the help of others who have been there themselves or are trained to give you the tools you need to move on. Should you continue to remain an active part of your loved one’s life? Being physically intimate with your spouse will just stir those longings within you. Detaching for me was like a boundary, a way to take care of me. You can do it by paying attention to yourself, loving yourself, and allowing yourself to grieve. Yes, it is possible to love an alcoholic with an undying love, unconditionally. Detachment works best when you can detach with love. In order to begin the process of detaching with love, there are a few central beliefs or tenets to contemplate, understand, and incorporate into your thinking about the addict and the addiction. How do you detach with love? Understanding when it is healthy to detach and walk away – or when to stay – may be one of the most difficult decisions you must make as a loved one. When you think about detachment, try thinking about the detachment only being for the alcoholic’s alter ego. After all, regardless of his disposition, I did love the man, we had a family and after 20 years had built a life together, but deep down I knew I had to bail. Living with an alcoholic husband is and will never be easy but the good thing here is that there are ways in which one spouse can present this as evidence so it can be considered as a ground to divorcing an alcoholic spouse. Our attachment figures are people whom we give and receive emotional support and safety. When I applied love into the the process of detachment, accepted my wife and the disease, detaching with love became much easier. You still love and care for your spouse. This means letting go of the anger and finding alternatives ways to handle the stress … But that other person – the insulting one who embarrasses you and complicates your life – that is the person from which you must detach. No human power and no amount of love can compete with the hold that the disease of addiction has on its prey. 7. That’s undeniable. For those who love someone living with an addiction, it is very difficult to sit back a let the crisis play out to its fullest extent. Detaching from someone you were in love with is a very difficult thing, but you can do it. Thus, avoiding intimacy is one way to guard your heart. And if that weren’t enough, the spirit of an addict is empty, broken, and dark. Do not have sex with your spouse. I can honestly say I first learned how to detach, detaching with love came later. To accept a problem drinker’s behavior is not what this article is about. An alcoholic can die without alcohol, which is why medically supervised detox may be necessary for some. Easier said than done as they say.